I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
