At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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