I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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