I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
