I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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