I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
