went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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