I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dicks are not precious.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
