I CAN MOONWALK!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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