Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So much Jack, so little girl.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
