Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
