My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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