I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
