apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
