I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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