she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
