Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
