I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
