bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize