Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
