i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
