I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
