Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize