Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
