I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
