my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
