She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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