is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
