i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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