you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
