Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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