that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
