he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
