I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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