she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
