TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
