I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
