Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
