shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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