i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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