and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
