Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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