so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Life is so much better after having sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
