The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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