dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
