you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
