I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
