how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Randomize
