i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
