My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
