So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
