I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
