I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
