My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's great music for shaving your balls
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
