last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
