Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
