STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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