We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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