Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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