i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
