You made me cry and you don't even care
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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