just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
