I'm passing your future prison.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
