im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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