She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
