ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In America we eat man semen.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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