Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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