I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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