he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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