She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
