so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We have started to decorate penises.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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