You work out of a Hotel?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
