I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to calm my uterus...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
