I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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