so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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