She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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