i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
