a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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