Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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