If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
