Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize