well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
